1. “The greater a child’s terror, and the earlier it is experienced, the harder it becomes to develop a strong and healthy sense of self.”
2. “Some people stand and move as if they have no right to the space they occupy. They wonder why others often fail to treat them with respect — not realizing that they have signalled others that it is not necessary to treat them with respect.”
3. “When we learn how to be in an intimate relationship without abandoning our sense of self, when we learn how to be kind without being self-sacrificing, when we learn how to cooperate with others without betraying our standards and convictions, we are practicing self-assertiveness.”
4. “If my aim is to prove I am “enough,” the project goes on to infinity — because the battle was already lost on the day I conceded the issue was debatable.”
5. “When we have unconflicted self-esteem, joy is our motor, not fear. It is happiness that we wish to experience, not suffering that we wish to avoid. Our purpose is self-expression, not self-avoidance or self-justification. Our motive is not to “prove” our worth but to live our possibilities.”
6. “But if I lack respect for and enjoyment of who I am, I have very little to give — except my unfilled needs. In my emotional impoverishment, I tend to see other people essentially as sources of approval or disapproval. I do not appreciate them for who they are in their own right. I see only what they can or cannot do for me. I am not looking for people whom I can admire and with whom I can share the excitement and adventure of life. I am looking for people who will not condemn me — and perhaps will be impressed by my persona, the face I present to the world. My ability to love remains undeveloped. This is one of the reasons why attempts at relationships so often fail — not because the vision of passionate or romantic love is intrinsically irrational, but because the self-esteem needed to support it is absent.”
7. “What is required for many of us, paradoxical though it may sound, is the courage to tolerate happiness without self-sabotage.”
8. “In the inner courtroom of my mind, mine is the only judgment that counts.”
9. “As a psychotherapist I see that nothing does as much for an individual’s self-esteem as becoming aware of and accepting disowned parts of the self. The, first steps of healing and growth are awareness and acceptance — consciousness and integration. They are the fountainhead of personal development.”
10. “ The willingness to experience and accept our feelings carries no implication that emotions are to have the last word on what we do. I may not be in the mood to work today; I can acknowledge my feelings, experience them, accept them — and then go to work. I will work with a clearer mind because I have not begun the day with self-deception.”
